Not The Doctor
by Jenwryn
Summary: ANTI Elizabeth/John. Music inspired drabble. Turns all the familiar scenarios used in sparky fan fic on their heads. Don't sue, or throw sharp objects, but reviews are ok! John Sheppard & Elizabeth Weir, obviously...
1. Not Your Bandage

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. Original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. Furthermore, these drabbles are entirely my mother's fault. You know as well as I do that I've got nothing against that ship... But my mother is militantly anti-sparky and we were having an - um - 'discussion' about the pros and cons of the different ships (which, when I think about it, is a really odd conversation to be having with your mother, lol). Anyway, so this is what came as a result... Me, pulling apart all the reasons why it wouldn't work between them. Yup. Thanks, Mum.

Hmm, by the way, the drabbles won't be connected. They'll have to be read as individual pieces, I'm thinking. I'm planning one per verse.

New Note: This story has been inspired by the lyrics of _Not The Doctor_, by Alanis Morissette. I did have a full verse per drabble typed out, but because I'm worried about breaking the rules, I've taken them down, and just left a very small, well-credited excerpt. If you don't know the song, go and google the lyrics to see where I'm coming from.

* * *

I don't want be a bandage if the wound is not mine -  
Lend me some fresh air... 

_- Alanis Morissette, 'Not The Doctor'. _

_

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_

Elizabeth lays in a mess of bedding, John's head scruffy on her bare belly. Always, it ends like this. Fear of death, anxiety of uncertainty, adrenalin of fighting - and they end in her quarters. End with their blind longing, their losing of thought, and their selfish use of the other. She doesn't know if he loves her; he's never said he does. She knows she doesn't love him. And she's tired of being his post-battle salve, tired of being his proof of existence. She wants to be something more than that...

She'll tell him it's over, when he wakes...

* * *


	2. Not Your Mommy

___  
I don't want to be you mother,  
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months..._

_- Alanis Morissette, 'Not The Doctor'. _

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'Let's just cut through it, shall we?' Elizabeth stands up and presses her palms flat on the desk.

John rubs the back of his neck, uncomfortable, and tries that puppy-dog look that usually works on her - though apparently not today. So he does blank instead, 'What?'

She arches an eyebrow, 'John Sheppard. I simply_ refuse_ to be your mother substitute. I'm sorry about your childhood and your ex-wife, and I'm flattered you think you feel something for me. So come back when you've worked out your age, and how to act it, and I'll consider it, okay?'

He flees.

* * *

_A/N: Oh, nasty... This is my Mum's pet issue. She thinks John too childish for Elizabeth. She might be right, as well, but it begs the question - if that's the case, then why is she as big a Han Solo fangirl as I am, hmm...?_


	3. Not Your Other Half

_  
I don't want to be your other half;  
I believe that one and one make two..._

_- Alanis Morissette, 'Not The Doctor'.

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_

'Marry me.'

It's all she can do to suppress a sigh. It's not that she doesn't love John. She does, but – matrimony? It's not the first he's asked; not the first time she's said gently, 'You know my answer. It won't change just because you keep asking. It's still no.'

He watches her piercingly across the table. 'Why?'

She shakes her head, 'You know why. I don't want picket fences. Don't want to be my mother. And you don't think I could keep my job, do you?'

'But you love me. That's all that matters.'

'That, John, is a myth…'

* * *

_A/N: __You know what? I'm discovering that to write out all the reasons why a ship wouldn't work (or rather, to take all the common scenarios from fanfic and turn them on their heads), is just as hard and just as clichéd as to write the ship itself! Life is just so much more complex than what I can fit into 100 words… But for the record, I really think it is a myth. A beautiful, wonderful myth, but a myth nevertheless – though right now my muse is bashing me on the head with a very heavy book (Brewer's Phrase & Fable, I think!) for having professed that…. _


	4. Not Your Idol

_I don't want to be idol;  
See the pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights..._

_- Alanis Morissette, 'Not The Doctor'. _

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* * *

_

John's doing it again. Looking at her across the briefing table like she's a saint. It's been annoying her she noticed three weeks ago.

She asks Rodney a question, hopes he'll start to bicker and give her a distraction. Frustratingly, he's actually polite for once. Typical.

She glances back at John. Damn it, she's a leader, not God. She wishes she could throw a tantrum like she wants to, maybe slap some faces, or break something. But she bites it down. She'll have to be a good girl for now. She can't show her whole self and be his leader...

_

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_

_A/N: Not so good. I think it's my own miserableness leaking over into her... _


	5. Not Living On Someday

_I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week._

_- Alanis Morissette, 'Not The Doctor'. _

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* * *

_

Elizabeth looks at the man as he shrugs off his jacket and suddenly she can't take any more, can't stand the sight of him, can't bear his presence in her quarters. 'Stop.'

He pauses, stares at her.

'I can't do this any more. The secrecy. The deception. I can't stand it. We have no future, John. And this present, it's a delusion. It has to end, now.'

He curls his fingers familiarly around her hips, looks confident. 'You don't mean that. You know you want me.'

She might have swallowed her words, till he said that.

She shows him the door.

_

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A/N: A large flaw in my own AU... Elizabeth is so big on integrity. Would she really have a relationship with someone and not be openly honest about it...? _


	6. Too Much To Ask For

_You see it's too much to ask for and I am not the doctor..._

_- Alanis Morissette, 'Not The Doctor'.

* * *

_

'So that's it?'

She nods, 'Yes.'

'But it was just a mistake.'

She rounds on him, 'For God's sake, John! Sleeping with alien princesses when you're married to me isn't a mistake! You don't think I haven't been forgiving? Well, I've run out of forgiveness. We're finished.'

He glances at the paper she holds out, looks shocked. 'And you're sending me back to Earth?'

Now she's angry. 'The SGC didn't want us working together married. You think they'd let us work together _divorced_?'

'Why should _I _leave?'

She shrugs. 'Discuss it with General Sam O'Neill if you want. Goodbye, John.'

* * *

_A/N: (__snickers) Go, Sam! Oh - and this is me poking holes in my own AU where I have Liz simply taking him back, no questions asked, after he cheats on her in "A Stitch In Time". I actually can't see it happening. But then - I can't actually see him cheating on her, either. For the record._


End file.
